


mysotis

by archekoeln



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Hanahaki AU, SLAMS DOWN i can't believe i wrote this, one-sided elesis/harnier, there are other characters but i only tagged two eyes emoji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 18:59:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13665267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archekoeln/pseuds/archekoeln
Summary: At the behest of an energetic El Lady, Elesis visited her room.





	mysotis

**Author's Note:**

> hanahaki au x vacation prompt.
> 
> my entry for the halloween elforum fic contest a couple of months back. this was also v indulgent.
> 
> tw vomitting
> 
> unbeta'd!!

They’ve all been tired lately, and how couldn’t they be, stripped bare from countless fights and invasions. Even her, the Red Knight, while thinking of her role in Elsword’s life as he continued to grow from a runt to a capable person, wanted nothing more to put her worries to rest, put her body far from training and fighting and terror. Just for a moment, a second even.

When Aisha proposed a vacation - to take it easy for a while, forget their troubles for a while - Elesis found herself wanting to visit Elrianode. It was odd that she would go there, of all places, when everyone else drifted towards Sander or Ruben or Hamel.

But they let her go alone anyway. Elsword had asked her why, before she left. She said something about a feeling. She didn’t really know. She also told him not to worry about her, grasping his shoulder comfortingly.

"I’ll be fine. Don’t worry, don’t worry!"

* * *

Elesis found herself at the very edge of Elysion, steps away from Elrianode's entrance. She waited.

Elrianode eventually let her in.

Her time was spent talking to the priestesses, trading stories and beliefs. They were still there, all of them, along with the El Masters. Along with the El Lady. They tell her about the antics that occurred between the masters, as silly as it sounded. They tell her about themselves, about the world. Elesis laughed at everything, easing up to her surroundings. It was simple to do so. Everyone was so accepting, thankful for the El Search Party's help.

They didn't ask why she was the only one there.

* * *

At the behest of an energetic El Lady, Elesis visited her room.

They talked through the night, an abundance of silly stories filling the silence. Elesis shared her experiences to Harnier, even as the latter told her that she knew. But she listened anyway, giggled when she found something funny, frowned when it wasn't as funny.

There was something bewitching about the way Harnier turned towards Elesis, melancholy present in her eyes. Elesis noticed, and the thing she thought to ask in Harnier's room, alone with the El Lady, was where Master Solace was. The almost goddess had laughed at that, saying he's at Elysion. Something about apologizing. Something about getting back what was lost. Something, something that Elesis forgot after hours of sharing trivial and not so trivial things.

They forgot to sleep, but it was okay. The morning came with the sun, even with the absence of the Sun Master.

And with that morning, it started. It felt like nothing at first. Felt like a fly landing on skin, shifting against pores. But it persisted, and suddenly, there was an itch in Elesis' throat, insistent, ardent - and when Sasha gave her a glass of water, she greedily drank everything until the last drop. The look she got from the priestess and from the El Lady was nothing short of concerned, but she assured them that nothing was wrong.

"It's okay, I was just thirsty." Yes. That must be it. That could only be _it_.

Harnier flashed her a smile. Tucked a strand of hair behind an ear. "That's good. Drink some more if you need to."

The itch disappeared.

* * *

It started again when Elesis entered their shared common room, in a house far too large for ten people. It wasn't actually a house, but it functioned as one, so she supposed that the word fit perfectly.

She found Artea carrying a tray of freshly baked treats, with Ignia and Anduran behind her. It almost looked like Ciel lording his cookies over Lu and Add, which Elesis found hilarious. But she didn't laugh in response to that, couldn't, not when she felt the itch again, throat in mild agony as Harnier walked past, stopping to pluck a treat from Artea's tray ( at the indignant reaction of both Ignia and Anduran ).

Elesis' first instinct was to flee ( but why? ), as her throat constricted on itself and before a flurry of coughs could catch the attention of the other inhabitants of the room.

Too late.

Harnier moved past the priestesses to stand by Elesis' side. The knight was grateful even if the coughs only worsened ( because of? ). Harnier pressed a hand on Elesis' back, rubbed it gently, soothingly, cooing with each second. She asked for water from the priestesses and they complied. Elesis watched all of this unfold, blinking furiously, shame written on the edges of her mouth. Embarrassment.

Water satiated the itch, but she could feel it bubbling again, craving release. Elesis excused herself and returned to her room, waiting for it to come.

It never came.

* * *

A week passed. Elesis hadn't thought of going home yet. She hadn't coughed again after the last time.

But she also hadn't seen much of Harnier.

"She went to Elysion," Gloria said, "Checking up on Master Solace. She'll be back later, I think."

That was good, wasn't it? She loves Solace. She misses him.

The itch started to squirm within her lungs, at the thought. Elesis said her thanks to Gloria and left to go outside. A little bit of fresh air, or maybe she should've gotten a glass of water. She didn’t get that far when it turned into full-blown coughing, pain racking through her lungs, clawing their way out. Elesis doubled over, a hand covering her mouth. She felt something in it. Spitting, palm wet - it smelled like copper, tasted like copper.

When she checked, there was blood on her hand... and a small flower petal.

Blue. She blinked, crushing it in her hands. She needed water. She also needed to get away from there.

She didn’t know someone was watching her.

* * *

Harnier came back with Solace.

The coughing only got worse.

The petals only continued to multiply.

* * *

Master Ventus dropped by her room one afternoon.

"You don't need to hide it from me. I know."

His voice was soft and there was no judgment, just a quiet prodding. He sat there, silent, like a lamb, waiting, waiting, waiting until Elesis couldn't keep it to herself anymore. No judgment, no nothing - just confirmation - and when she nodded, he felt the air around them grow lighter. A burden lifted from her shoulders.

He understood. He understood completely because he didn't recoil in disgust, or shock, or even fury. Somehow, Ventus understood what was happening to Elesis, and somehow, Elesis found it in her to share what was happening.

The book he had with him was thick, cover worn from decades of use. Ventus opened it, flipping through pages. The smell was abundant, musty and old, aged with knowledge and time. He pushed it towards her, pointing at a particular paragraph.

"Hanahaki disease," he murmured, looking at the knight, something glinting in his eyes, "a disease born from one-sided love, where flowers grow in the afflicted’s lungs." He paused, a hand covering the graphic representation of a person drowning in lilies in the next page. "In its own way, it sounds romantic. Until it kills you, that is." The... joke, if it could be called that, hung awkwardly between them but it made Elesis smile all the same. He coughed.

It lacked the wheezing Elesis had gotten used to.

She looked up, made a motion as though to explain... everything. But she couldn't really, so she just sighed, said, "I don't know. It just happened, when I got here.", with as much honesty as she could. She didn't sound like herself, the confident commander of the Red Knights, the self-assured older sister of Elsword. She sounded tired, sad, _guilty_. That’s right. She sounded guilty most of all. The feeling coiled in her throat, almost teasing, and she can’t help but wish it was Harnier in front of her now.

But that would’ve made her guiltier. But that would’ve coerced the feeling to grow even more.

* * *

At first, she tried to avoid Harnier. Spent more time with Ventus, with the other priestesses. Explored what she could of Elrianode. Entertain herself through whatever means she could think of.

But the El Lady was tenacious.

Harnier followed her when she wasn't doing anything, whispered apologies, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for choosing you. For almost taking you away.", provided her with warmth and tenderness, showered her with words of wit and praise. Even... even when Elesis would hide behind pillars to ease her throat, duck into bushes, escape the notice of Harnier when the sensation of choking would get the better of her. Convulsions beneath her neck that she wanted to scratch at, but didn't. She would run instead, find an empty room, consider her options.

Harnier was so understanding. Even when. Even _then_. "Drink some more, some medicine.", "Maybe we can get someone to look at you.", "This is getting worse.", "Did you not want your brother to see you like this?", and on, and on, and on.

* * *

She dreamed, one night, of white hair, of teal eyes, of soft hands attempting to hold her. A wispy, sort of existence, foggy, lingering between the cracks of her fingers when she tried to hold back. She breathed in, out, in, out - the hand turned to dust, scattering, surrounding her. Like butterflies, bright and glowing, flying around and around.

She would spin in a rondo, around and around like the butterflies, and when she looked down, her chest would be nothing but a gaping hole. But she’d continue spinning anyway.

Elesis woke up, bathing in a cold sweat.

It was a that dream again. The one she started having since Lanox.

* * *

This was supposed to be a vacation, a time to rest, recharge her passion. But it became something else, something unwanted. The trash bin next to her was overflowing with discarded tissues, tinted red. Blue flowers, forming clumps, stuffed into the deepest part, hidden from view. Maybe she should've never come here.

She considered going home.

* * *

Ventus approached her again, days later. He was smiling this time, good news at the tip of his tongue.

"It should go away," he said as a preamble, with Lincy perched on his shoulder, "provided you tell her."

She almost choked on the bread she'd been eating and it took a moment to calm herself. Arms wrapped protectively around her body - she's not shaking, she's not shaking. The thought of admitting it, to Harnier, was something she hadn't really thought of. Not to such a sweet person, overflowing with kindness and compassion, her sense of duty encompassing her life. Not to her. Not to someone who loved everyone to the best of her abilities and who loved one person unconditionally, despite his mistakes.

Someone she had been destined to replace.

Elesis felt her body quiver in fear - she didn't want to admit it, because she couldn't even admit it to herself. She shouldn’t even be feeling such things for her. She knew this. And yet, and yet! She couldn't control the urge. The thought to come clean hummed beneath her fingers tapping against skin, and her eyes darted away from her current companion. Endlessly, they rang, "What if she says no?" or, "What if she's disgusted?" or, "What if what if what if what if.".

She really didn't need reciprocation. She just needed to tell her. Elesis knew Harnier would never choose her. Did she even want that? No, no, no, of course not. But something’s pulling at her chest, and if she could rip apart skin, she would, just for her lungs to jut out, revealing sinew stitched together with flowers dyed red.

She just needed to tell her. And she ought to, even against her own conflicting judgment, warring for supremacy within the space between her head.

"Before I leave," she finally said to Ventus, "I'll do it before I leave."

* * *

Before she leaves didn't mean at once. But it did mean not to avoid Harnier anymore. Unfortunately, she had to come clean with the bloody flowers. Even the other priestesses noticed them now. Scattered all over, decorating any space hidden by a shadow.

It all trailed back to Elesis’ room. So she had to tell them.

She didn’t tell them how. Thank Elia that Ventus had hidden the book.

* * *

One night, Harnier visited her room.

Elation and dread pressed against the walls of her chest. Harnier was so bright, like the sun, shining high above her. But her countenance was different. Like she’d be eaten alive if she stayed standing by the door, like prey facing a predator.

Ragged breathing. Unsure posture. No eye-contact. She knew, or at least, suspected.

The itch was starting again. Elesis had been vomiting full clumps now, a handful of forget-me-nots, drenched in spit and blood. Water didn’t help what she’d just heaved onto the trash bin. To try drinking was an exercise in futility, as much as she wanted to reach for the cup by her bedside. And, well, she had to say something, because letting Harnier stand there, like an unappreciated guest, would only serve to worsen her condition.

Eventually, she said, "Come in."

Elesis watched as Harnier made her way towards the bed, sitting beside her. She smiled at the knight, but it dropped as soon as her eyes glanced at the trash bin, to the smudged red on Elesis' bed covers, to the longing spread taut across pallid features. "This started when I first possessed you, didn't it." It wasn't a question. The words were a mess, garbled, dripping regret. Harnier sounded sad, horrified even. "It's my fault. It's my fault. Let me help you, please."

Silence. Moments passed.

And then.

"I love you." Just like that - like picking out what to eat or mentioning something non-committal, Elesis finally said it. Whispered past pale hands, admitted beside the warm light of a candle, beside the blindingly bright Harnier. It was a testament to how much Harnier knew when she didn't react outwardly, opting to remain silent. Elesis continued, "Or, or, I don't know. Do I? This," a hand of hers, laid on her chest, signaling the flowers growing in her, "this'll kill me if I don't tell you."

She sounded greedy, desperate, and, truthfully, she _was_. She could've just left, said her goodbyes, but Ventus had warned her that it might not go away if she'd did so. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder.", he had said to her.

Under the surface, something stirred. Something like, rejection hurt, something like, she didn’t want to impose this burden on Harnier, something like, she didn’t want to admit this. At the same time, she wasn't looking for Harnier to return her feelings. All she had was the resolve to push through with her admission, no hope, nothing of the sort lingering with her words.

But when their lips met, touching suddenly, when the female leaned towards her, Elesis couldn't help herself. Eyes closed, she leaned back into them, something missing put in place. The room felt a little bigger, less suffocating, and the coppery scent faded, replaced by a sweetness she couldn’t explain. It was just a small peck, and it was awkward, like it was both their first. It was like falling, dropping from five stories to a bed of flowers, and when she turned, the other was laughing. Confusion spread throughout her features, incomprehensible reaction regardless. It was like barring her soul for a small chance, the smallest miracle to occur, and failing even then, left to starving cats, to be devoured and feasted upon. She'd thought of hope, even when she told herself there wasn't any. It was like that sensation of just being whole, pieced together to form a full picture.

It was a moment of pure elation and pure dread. It felt like hours - it probably would have been hours, had the other not pulled away. Elesis opened her eyes to a smiling Harnier, felt her lips blistering even at that soft graze, felt her heart loudly protesting at the abrupt end - thumping, thrashing about the flowers wrapped delicately across her rib cage. She could feel her stomach lurch, and before she could run to the trash or elsewhere, bile, blood and flowers forced itself from her mouth. Every other second was punctuated with coughing, with a hand soothingly massaging her back.

"I know. Or, well, I knew," Harnier's voice hitched as she watched Elesis expel fluids and flora, "since the beginning. But I didn't think that," that this, probably, would happen,"you'd feel it so, so strongly... for the flowers to manifest." She swept the younger female in a hug, let the words fall into a rhythm with her breathing, soft and controlled. Elegant, divine, even despite the circumstance. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I should've done something. I should've."

She continued to murmur beside Elesis. Continued to grasp her hand, rub her back. On and on and on, until the knight stopped. Until the knight rested her head on Harnier's shoulder, mumbling softly, "This is enough. Thanks. This is fine. This is alright." repeatedly.

Blood dribbled from her chin, but Elesis smiled all the same. Something in her, once flailing helplessly, now settled quietly.

Maybe tonight, she's fall asleep in peace.

* * *

When Elsword came to pick up his sister, at the request of Ventus, he was a little shocked. Elesis didn't need picking up. Usually, it was her job to pick him up whenever he landed any trouble. Trepidation caught in his throat when Elrianode came into view, but the entourage greeting him dispelled the worry.

Elesis was there, waiting, alongside the other priestesses and masters. He could see her smile even from afar and he broke into a sprint, stopping once he was at arm’s length. A hug, greetings, goodbyes - Elesis lingered longest by the El Lady’s side, Elsword noticed, though he didn't question why - and before they knew it, the siblings were off.

"You really should have come with us to Hamel. Did you enjoy your vacation here though?" He asked, watching her as they strolled past Judge's Sanctuary.

She hummed out a reply, carefree smile still in place, saying, "I'm fine Elsword," she can’t help but let out a guffaw, teeth showing as she added, "and actually, I really needed the visit. It cleared my mind off some things. Are we going to meet up with the others somewhere?"

He nodded.

"They're still at Hamel. You have to do the dares."

A pause. He could see her eyebrows furrowing at his words.

"Dares?"

Laughter. From him first, and then she joined in. Whatever problem she'd been thinking, it seemed to have cleared up. He was glad for that, at least.

"Hehe- You'll see, big sis!"


End file.
